Die „jecken Tage“ stehen bevor. Für manch einen sind dies die wichtigsten Feiertage des Jahres, andere gruseln sich regelrecht davor, und wieder andere können schlichtweg gar nichts damit anfangen. Wie auch immer Ihr dazu steht, PianoMe wird Euch heute zum Lachen bringen – mit den besten Musikerwitzen, die das Internet hergibt.
Schon im 19. Jahrhundert ging es los mit Witzen über die Musik: So schrieb der große Volksdichter Wilhelm Busch die frechen Worte: „Musik wird als störend oft empfunden, dieweil sie mit Geräusch verbunden.“ Wie wahr!
Heute finden sich im Netz zahllose Witzeportale. Neben „Idiotenwitzen“, „Ostfriesenwitzen“ und „Blondinenwitzen“ gibt es auch die Rubrik „Musikerwitze“. Nicht gerade schmeichelhaft, aber nehmen wir es mit Humor!
Wer es besonders professionell betreibt, gliedert die Musikerwitze nochmal nach einzelnen Instrumenten.
Da PianoMe ja ein Anbieter von Übungsräumen für Klavier und Flügel ist, interessieren uns natürlich die Witze mit Schwerpunkt Klavier am meisten.
Fündig werden wir bei Cesdur, wo es 250 Musikerwitze gibt. Das Klavier ist dabei deutlich unterrepräsentiert. Ganze vier Witze widmet man den Pianisten:
- Es klingelt an der Tür. „Guten Tag, ich bin der Klavierstimmer.“ – „Aber ich habe Sie ja gar nicht bestellt!“ – „Aber Ihre Nachbarn!“
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(Dazu gibt es eine Variante: Das Klavier brennt länger.) - Eine Frau will ihr Klavier vom 5. Stock ins Erdgeschoss transportieren und bestellt dafür Möbelpacker. Es klingelt, sie macht auf, und draußen steht ein einarmiger Mann. „Oh mein Gott, Sie haben ja nur einen Arm!“ – Der Mann: „Wieso? Haben Sie zwei Klaviere?“
- Der Gitarrist zum Pianisten: „Was ist noch mal die Dominante von G-Dur?“ – Darauf der Pianist: „Wie? Ich denke, G-Dur ist die Dominante.“
Interessant ist natürlich auch, welche Themen – abgesehen von den verschiedenen Instrumenten – im Fokus der Witze stehen. Ein häufig wiederkehrendes Thema ist das liebe Geld. Offenbar lassen sich nach der Ansicht des Volksmunds beim Klavierspielen, Drummen oder Flöten keine Reichtümer anhäufen. Zwei Beispiele aus dem Portal „Spitzenwitze„:
- Arzt: „Sie haben nur noch fünf Monate zu leben!“ Musiker: „Wovon denn?“
- Wie nennt man einen Musiker ohne Freundin? – Obdachlos.
Und was machen die Musiker mit den paar Penunsen, die ihnen das Klavierspielen einbringt? „Spitzenwitze“ beantwortet es uns mit einem sehr kurzen, aber umso aussagekräftigeren Witz:
Geht ein Musiker an einer Kneipe vorbei …
Haha!
Wieder andere Witze vergnügen uns mit Wortspielen aus dem Bereich der Musik:
- Was macht ein Musiker beim Honda Händler? Er kauft sich einen „Accord“.
- Warum mögen Posaunisten keine Friedhöfe? – Zu viele Kreuze.
Gerne macht man sich auch über die Qualität des Spiels anderer Musiker lustig. Lest selbst:
- Eine Jazzband spielt. Bassist zum Pianisten: „Pssst, du, wo sind wir?“ Pianist: „Geht dich doch nichts an!“
- Was ist der Unterschied zwischen einem guten Posaunisten und einem Yeti? – Es gibt Leute die behaupten, sie hätten schon mal den Yeti gesehen.
Aber immer noch besser, Musiker zu sein, als der hier belächelte Berufsstand:
- Der Trompeter des Orchesters, ein starker Raucher, klagt seit geraumer Zeit über Kopfschmerzen. Er sucht den Arzt auf, und der stellt eine klare Diagnose: „Ihr Gehirn ist total verrußt, das muss gereinigt werden. Lassen Sie mal das Gehirn hier, ich reinige es, nach drei Wochen können Sie es wieder abholen.“ Der Trompeter ist einverstanden. Die drei Wochen sind um, der Trompeter holt sein Gehirn nicht ab. Nach zwei Monaten trifft der Arzt den Trompeter: „Wollen Sie Ihr Gehirn nicht wieder abholen?“- „Nein, das brauch ich nicht mehr, ich bin Dirigent geworden.“
Nicht zuletzt wird aber immer wieder – wie schon bei Wilhelm Busch – das Thema Lärm angeschnitten. Wir wissen es ja schon längst: Wer Klavier üben will, ohne es sich mit seinen Nachbarn zu verscherzen, sollte einen Klavier-Übungsraum mieten! Sonst findet man sich im nächsten Witz wieder:
„Denken Sie nur, wie ich neulich auf der Posaune geübt habe, hat doch der Nachbar mit einem großen Stein die Fensterscheibe eingeworfen!“ – „So ein Idiot, jetzt hört er es ja noch lauter!“
„Haben sich denn die vielen Posaunenstunden für deine Tochter gelohnt?“ – „Aber ja, ich konnte die Nachbarwohnungen alle sehr preiswert kaufen!“
Oder, wie wir bei „Gute Witze“ lesen:
„Was, du hast ein neues Auto gekauft? Wovon denn? Ich dachte, du bist pleite.“ – „Ich habe meine Trompete und meine Tuba dafür in Zahlung gegeben.“ – „Was, die hat der Autohändler genommen?“ – „Na klar, er wohnt doch direkt über mir.“
Nun denn! Genießt die „jecken Tage“, liebe Pianisten! Wo Ihr Euer Bier abstellen könnt, wisst Ihr ja nun!
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